Care-less

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It doesn’t happen often. In fact, I don’t remember the last time it did. But somewhere between then, likely years ago, and now, you swiped onto my phone, from one screen to the next and that world I worked in, and loved on and planted my flag in and insisted I knew all that I had to know? Yes, you wrecked that. And you wrecked it even before I realized I had that world, because I wasn’t thinking of it when you wound by, I was thinking “My god! Look at those eyes! And those teeth, those huge white chomping teeth, connected to that mouth, that wide open mouth that did nothing more than smile from one year to the next. In every picture on every page, you wore it wide! Wide is what your world was, wide open, boundless and breathtaking. Endless. Sleepless. Wandering to wherever. And I was sold! Hooked! Suddenly all in! And that “they” that had always rubbed me the wrong way? It flew immediately away. You can be he, her, it, she, they, them, sometimes multiples and many and I’m down with that as if down were up and up were down because it simply didn’t matter any more.

By the time I caught my breath, after holding it for fifteen minutes trying to find your flaw, fixated on what imperfection might throw me off I found none because you are simply being who you are and who I’ve longed to be like, secretly, sincerely wishing I were as fearless as you are. 

Because Kayless? I couldn’t care less. You be you and I’ll be glad to watch and witness any part of you doing what you do, living, loving limitlessly, carefree and uncautiously! Amazingly! Extraordinarily! 

So, that time spent between here and now, to there and then? Wow! I mean wide-eyed Wow! Wonder, wonderfully wide open Wow! And that fifteen minutes? That’s what it took to find my breath, my breath that left finally returned and eye wept, sweetly, sorrowfully for ever having seen you because it hurts, but Wow! I would have missed you and every little bit of what I wore from fact, to fiction to fantasy to you and, prayerfully, someday me. And that’s fine because beholding you and weeping at your beauty was better than smiling without it. That’s how wonderful and wonderfully you are, Kayless. I’m care less, when up until today, I’ve cared far too much about too many anyway.